By Mr. Curmudgeon
“I want this to work,” declared President Obama as Congressional Democrats began crafting their $862 billion “stimulus bill.” The new president made a big-hearted offer to Beltway Republicans by giving them a place at the stimulus trough. “…There is no pride of authorship. If members of Congress have good ideas, they have a project that would create jobs…then I'm going to accept it.”
One accepted project was the $71,623 of stimulus cash dedicated to saving a Wake Forest University School of Medicine research team. They're working on a project titled “Effect of Cocaine Self-Administration on Metabotropic Glutamate Systems.” That's a fancy way of saying, “we're giving monkeys cocaine and standing back to see what happens.”
This raises several questions: were the monkeys trained to self-administer their daily dose of cocaine? Is there a “stimulus” cartel providing the cocaine in question? Exactly how many monkeys are hooked on Obama's stimulus blow? And, more importantly, can we reasonably expect a barrel of simian cokeheads to pull America out of its economic tailspin?
Obama insists we not notice the high level of unemployment that persists in spite of his wasteful stimulus and instead think how much worse things would be without his and Nancy Pelosi's expensive brainchild.
Candidate Obama told Joe-The-Plumber, “I think when you spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody.” In Obama's transformative America, "everybody" includes a lab full of tremulous, cocaine-crazed monkeys.
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