Ouch!

By Mr. Curmudgeon

You know Al Qaeda is running out of ideas when their latest terror manual says the fastest way to paradise and 72 compliant virgins is to strap a Rube Goldberg explosive device to your crotch. National correspondent for Fox News, Catherine Herridge reported that a source in the intelligence community informed her that a similar plot to the one that unfolded in Detroit was foiled in the past. The would-be bomber in that case had his explosive contraption squirreled up a certain bodily orifice. Good taste prevented the Fox News anchor from asking Herridge to elaborate. Al Qaeda suicide bombers are no choirboys, but one is certainly a soprano.

A group calling itself Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) claimed credit for the failed Christmas Day attack and praised the “wealthy youth of Nigerian decent” for sacrificing his manhood in their emasculated cause. The group also credited the invention of the crotch bomb to their “manufacturing department.” That means somewhere in the Middle East there exists a James Bond-like Q Division, which develops cunning, elaborate and excruciatingly painful weapons for its suicide agents. “There was a technical problem that resulted in a non-complete explosion,” said the AQAP in its statement. The crotch bomb obviously has a few bugs to be worked out. We can only pity the lab rats.